See Men As They Could Be

“I have come to realize that I am like an old 20-dollar bill

—crumpled, torn, dirty, abused, and scarred. 

But I am still a 20-dollar bill. 

I am worth something. 

Even though I may not look like much 

and even though I have been battered and used,

 I am still worth the full 20 dollars.”*

I was born to parents who were already members of the LDS church, but Kyle learned about and joined the church much later in his life, shortly before Damien was born. Because of the disparity in our levels of experience and gospel knowledge, he often claims that he couldn't make it on his spiritual journey without me. This is sweet, but it's also a gross misrepresentation of facts. I may know where to find quotable scripture or conference material; I may have a slew of religious analogies; I may have a vast array of Mormon trivia hidden away in the recesses of my memory; I may withstand some of the oddities of Mormon culture a little better than he does; but he consistently blows me away with his willingness to serve, his dedication to bettering himself, and his ability to be in tune with the Spirit and follow its promptings.

We are currently in Monterey, CA on assignment from the military for the third time. If you've ever visited or lived in Monterey, you know what I mean when I talk about the homeless people. It's a city where it never gets freezing cold or boiling hot, where there are many public tourist attractions, beaches, forests, and many people with cash in their pockets, and therefore there are beggars. At Safeway, on the Fisherman's Wharf, on Cannery Row, at the Farmers Market, at Home Depot, at Target... you name it, there they are. We've noticed the situation becoming progressively worse on each return to the area. In general, we make a practice of not carrying cash, because if we're carrying it, we spend it. We also make a practice of not giving money to panhandlers, but if we feel so inclined we increase our monthly donations to the church instead, so that we know our money is being used in the best possible way.

That said, when Kyle came home from Safeway yesterday and told me "When you check the bank statement you'll see that I took some cash out to give to a homeless guy..." and I immediately (and rudely, I apologized a few minutes later and you'll see why) cut him off, saying "Why? We don't give cash to panhandlers, remember?" He patiently waited for me to finish (he knew I would say exactly that, because under normal circumstances he would say the same to me) and then told me the following, shaking as he tried to quell his emotion:

"I was going to walk by like I always do, maybe just give him a smile or an apple and say hello and good luck, when a voice in my head said clearly, 'See men as they could be.' And I just had to go back in and get some cash, because it was the strongest desire to give that I have ever had."

Well shut me up.

I'm so grateful for him. I'm grateful for our wonderful life. I'm grateful that we can be here, in one of the most expensive cities ever, and have food on the table and a roof over our heads and employment and insurance and warmth and love. I'm grateful that by whatever luck or grace rained down on us, we are not in a situation where it's so difficult for others to see us as we could be. So from yesterday forward, I've resolved- not necessarily to give money to beggars, because I think that may simply have been the situational device the Spirit used to teach our family this lesson- but to see others as they could be. And to help them get there, if I can, or feel so prompted. 

*Deiter F. Uchtdorf, "You Are My Hands," LDS General Conference April 2010 (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/you-are-my-hands?lang=eng)